Like someone wise once said, (ahem ahem! :P)
"Life after marriage can be pretty weird at times
Its like you neither belong here nor there,
As if you are hanging in the air."
(I SWEAR I came up with this myself. So its copyrighted. :P)
The only plus point is that if you look real close, you could find your better half hanging on right next to you. :) The only problem being that He always gets to find level ground soon after, but She hangs on.. and on.. and on.. unless ofcourse she couldnt care less.
Though getting married is the happiest moment in her entire life, deep within she often experiences a mixture of feelings- of anxiety, curiosity, excitement and what not! But what underlies all these emotions is a sense of very low self- confidence. It doesnt matter if she is rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, employed or unemployed, her hold on confidence is damn slippery. From the moment she gets to wear that beautiful engagement ring, to the moment she breathes her last, she is always engulfed by this deadly fear of being abandoned. She often wonders whether she can be that PERFECT wife and that PERFECT daughter in law.. all the while, NOT forgetting to remain the PERFECT daughter. In her new home, she always thinks twice before wording her opinion, especially coz she knows all too well that she is not amongst her own. Every time she sits back and eyes a daughter being cuddled by her mother, she holds back tears as she reminiscences herself being cajoled by her mom not so long a while ago. She feels lonely, she feels empty, and she gets a tummy cramp every time someone comes up with the word "home". A chill goes up her spine as she senses the eager eyes of those around glued onto her, waiting to judge her every word.. her every move. She feels detached from her original self as she often double checks and even triple checks her every urge. It consumes a lot more of her vigor, that most of the time, she prefers to remain silent and still. When the kids run round and round playing their naughty little games, and are called upon for their 10 minute snack-time break, she wonders why no one offered to play with her, or even to take a bite off their snack. It takes a while before it dawns on her that she would no longer be "the baby" of the family :(
Yes, I do agree with you that with time, things change. But this article is meant to portray the confused state of mind of a NEWLY wed. The sense of bonding wouldnt be much between her and others in the family, except ofcourse her husband, whom she wouldnt have married otherwise. ;) I also do agree with you that one should think twice before speaking, married or not. But by "expressing herself" its not about giving out a negative opinion about something or somebody. It can be something as simple as saying "I am hungry" or "I am too tired and sleepy" or even "I want to see my parents". These kind of things are not easily spoken out by a newly wed, thinking that its inappropriate to do so. And yes, extended family it sure is, but for a newly wed, whether guy or girl, hands on heart,are more comfortable and have a "feel at home" experience only in their own home. But yes, WITH time, it becomes OUR home, OUR friends and OUR family :)
ReplyDeletePS: Its "weird" coz its like you neither belong 'here' nor 'there'. Where "Here" is your own family. "there" is that of your better half's. :)
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