The Plight of a Newly Wed

Like someone wise once said, (ahem ahem! :P)
"Life after marriage can be pretty weird at times
Its like you neither belong here nor there,
As if you are hanging in the air."
(I SWEAR I came up with this myself. So its copyrighted. :P)

The only plus point is that if you look real close, you could find your better half hanging on right next to you. :) The only problem being that He always gets to find level ground soon after, but She hangs on.. and on.. and on.. unless ofcourse she couldnt care less.

Though getting married is the happiest moment in her entire life, deep within she often experiences a mixture of feelings- of anxiety, curiosity, excitement and what not! But what underlies all these emotions is a sense of very low self- confidence. It doesnt matter if she is rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, employed or unemployed, her hold on confidence is damn slippery. From the moment she gets to wear that beautiful engagement ring, to the moment she breathes her last, she is always engulfed by this deadly fear of being abandoned. She often wonders whether she can be that PERFECT wife and that PERFECT daughter in law.. all the while, NOT forgetting to remain the PERFECT daughter. In her new home, she always thinks twice before wording her opinion, especially coz she knows all too well that she is not amongst her own. Every time she sits back and eyes a daughter being cuddled by her mother, she holds back tears as she reminiscences herself being cajoled by her mom not so long a while ago. She feels lonely, she feels empty, and she gets a tummy cramp every time someone comes up with the word "home". A chill goes up her spine as she senses the eager eyes of those around glued onto her, waiting to judge her every word.. her every move. She feels detached from her original self as she often double checks and even triple checks her every urge. It consumes a lot more of her vigor, that most of the time, she prefers to remain silent and still. When the kids run round and round playing their naughty little games, and are called upon for their 10 minute snack-time break, she wonders why no one offered to play with her, or even to take a bite off their snack. It takes a while before it dawns on her that she would no longer be "the baby" of the family :(

My First Day of Driving in Oman

"Press the breaks Sister!! Oh Sister! Sister! What IS this Sister?!!?" And no, this was not my brother screaming at me. If I had been blessed to have heard him call me Sister as many times, I would want nothing more from life... except for a 2 storeyed mansion with a private swimming pool by the sea side, a corporate firm whose profit is in billions of dollars, a red Mustang, and to make these things work- a rich husband. :)

"Sister, driving very easy. You listen what I tell you, then good. Otherwise not good. Ok Sister??" he adviced, to which I nodded and rolled my eyes hoping he had not caught me at it. This guy was my driving tutor. And this was my first day out... driving. I must say that the guy did have a lot of patience. Otherwise I wouldnt have lasted this long. Not that I'm much of a nuthead.. but you know how it can be..

"I tell you take automatic. You take manual. Manual difficult Sister." He had already wasted a lot of his broken english vocabulary persuading me to learn driving an automatic car instead of a manual one. Though I had forever turned a deaf ear to his blah blah blah, here he was again trying to make me change my mind. (shaking head in disapproval) "Automatic? Pass at first test. Manual? Pass after 20 test". He had felt it would be easier (esp on him) if I were to learn an automatic and probably he was right. But come ON! I'm spending hard earned cash on this guy! Make 'use' of what you spend for until your heart's content (consumer policy Section 2 Clause iii) ;)

We reached the ground where we were to practice for the drums test. "When middle back window come to half of second drum, stop. Turn wheel full left. Reverse. Ok Sister??" After having stared at him for a whole minute hoping the prevailing silence between us would help me concentrate in decoding what I'd just heard, I gave up. Nodded briskly to him and put the gear on reverse. Well actually, "tried" putting the gear on reverse. After having struggled with it for a while, it finally gave way. But the creaking sound that resulted, to my horror, didnt quite go unnoticed by the driver. "Sister Sister!! Careful Sister!! Please!!". I felt sorry for the poor guy and his vehicle that I was jeopardizing and tried my best to get through between the drums. Unfortunately, 10 seconds through, i heard "Stop sister! Stop! Sister you no see? Only when back window middle reach half drum Sister!!" That was IT! That was when I lost it. Totally frustrated was I that my voice became demanding. "What exactly do you want me to do!? Which half of which drum?? Where middle!? here or there?", I asked quizzically, pointing to either side of the rear windows. He smiled and I felt myself cool down a bit. "Sister. I know you very hot. First time driving, no problem. All become ok. Ok sister? You want water sister??" My jaw dropped open and trying to bring back some color to my face, I smiled. All 32 teeth out. "No thankyou. Im fine. Just tensed." Five minutes later, he came back, held out a can of Mountain Dew and said, "For you Sister."

Two hours later, he dropped me back at my college and wished me "Good luck Sister. See you tomorrow." True enough, he did manage to get into my good books with a Mountain Dew. But what dawned on me now was that, at the rate at which I was going, this guy was going to be a part of my routine shedule for the next few months or even years. And for the same reason, it was going to cost him more than just a can of Dew.

Life in #314

Its 8.30 in the morning and I am late... really late.. i was supposed to be there at 8 and now im done! I just hope Boss wont catch me tip-toeing to the lab. By the way, did i tell you he doesnt like being called "Boss"? Yaa.. he doesnt. He is more of the modest type. But if it was me and I was one big (not literally!) boss in one big institute, i really wouldnt mind students running behind me yelling "Boss! Boss!" ;) lol! The word is very masculine and gives you an authoritative feeling (even if you are an absolute zero) :) . But i wouldnt like being called "Madam" this, "Madam" that. Blah! I dont know if it crossed your mind (coz it just did on mine) coz No, im not getting operated this sunday for a sex change.. :P

Anyways, here I am walking towards the lab and on my way there, I manage to strain my eyes (he just got his glass door tinted) and peek into his room. Hmmm.. is he there or is he not?? The worst thing that can happen is me running into him in the lab! In that case, consider me dead. I insist. I kept walking towards room #314, gave a mild push at the door, and through the 1" gap space I very well make out "the" man, hands on hip, fingers on chin, talking animatedly to one of my labmates. Next thing I know, I'm in the common room hastily dumping my backpack onto a nearby couch. Off I rush to #314 and there he is, making his way out of the lab. "Hello Ema*!" (*name changed [;)] ) to which i pantingly reply "Good morning, sir". He goes back to his default posture of one hand on hips, other on his chin, and asks me expectantly, "Where have you been?". I thrust forward the notebook I was carrying and artistically played with the pen between my fingers as I innocently replied "In the computer lab, sir.. Searching for articles." "Aaahhh!! Good good. Please water those plants in the lab will you? I keep telling it to you and the plants keep drying up". Trying to look as tired and helpless as possible, I nodded my head and walked briskly off to #314.

"Oye!! where were you??!? Boss was looking for you!", anxiously shouted my labmate from behind. Bashed my eyelids, gave a pathetic grin, and replied "Woke up late". "Keep smiling eeeeeeee! Just you wait and watch!!", she teased me amicably. "If you'd only show me, I'd keep watching you 24x7..", I teased her back.... followed by more teasing and gossiping and "whats up?" talks.

The phone rang. "It has to be the boss.", one desparately stated. "I hope its not for me!", whispered another and spoke for us all. "Kevin?- Yes, he is here.- Ya will do." spoke the one who had answered the call. He placed the receiver down and after double checking that the line was cut, he shouted at the top of his voice, "Kevinnnnnnnnn!!!! Boss wants youuu!!". Twenty minutes later, Kevin returned to #314 with a grim look on his face. "arre yaaar! maar daalo mujhe!" he whined and went on to describe what was conversed for the past one- third of an hour. When he had almost come to the end of his narration, he looked at me and said, "Ema, why are you still here?? You were next." By lunch break, every member of the lab had had got a long lecture on What to do, What not to do, Why did you do, and Why did you not do.

As I dawdled through lunch and forcibly brought myself back to #314, there he was again!! For once I had thought that today's session was over, but i guess i was wrong. As he saw me walk through the door, he called out to me and proposed, "Ema, could you please help your colleagues in cleaning up the lab. Its a mess in here." Aaahhhh!! So he was on a cleaning spree! He hurried off outside to attend a call. "Bhelcome! Bhelcome!", Ana grinned at me from behind rows of reagent bottles. "Cleaning? again?!?" I asked astonishingly. "I'm not surpried." grimaced another friend from another corner of the lab. He goes into that "mode" quite often, our boss. Infact i like that part of him, as ours is one of the few tidy labs in the building. He is very down-to-earth kinda person and not the kind people would talk behind the back of. He always knew what to say, how to say it and when to say it best. We respected him coz of all these aspects. He was always calm and composed even at trying times, but he always knew how to get things done. And we adored him. But this?? Cleaning a lab that is already clean?!?? This i never could understand.. But by the end of it, we looked contently at the ever-so-sparkling lab #314 and one of us thought out loud, "Well, atleast we did something today that made sense!!".

Atlast I was done with my bit of work for the day. That too, after having fought over the laminar hood, which somehow everyone grows fond of at precisely the same time. I looked at my watch and realized it was already 5.15!! I had not yet done the most important job of the day!- Networking!!! ;) I ran upstairs to the computer room and found it poorly populated, thankfully. Went through the mails and orkut and managed to chat a little with friends. NOW, I was happy. ;) My room mate gave me a misscall, indicative of "time out!". Hesitantly, i logged off the system and took the lift to the ground floor to find her there, waiting impatiently for me...

Girl At The Diner.

I gazed into her lonesome eyes
Hazel worlds of sad mystery
I gazed into her open wound
Of trust betrayed
And a heart forlorn

I gazed into her lonesome eyes
Expecting a world of anger or hate
Maybe retribution for a broken heart
Or consigned to loneliness as

Her Fate

I reached out in the way I could
Promising to help her wounds to heal
She smiled gingerly as my hand she held
"What of the wounds that are concealed?"

Down that dusty diner, one day, It was
an evening of spring, Sometime in May
She cried as I put the ring on her hand
As we left with out footprints of love
On the grains of sand

Years have passed since I met her then
And now she lays buried - deep in rest,
I weep clutching her photo to my chest,
Never thinking the blow life had dealt
for that fateful night I had met,
That heavenly girl is the diner

---- Harish Vishwanathan

Birthday Greetings!!

So, how old are you today ?

Regardless of the answer, birthdays are a special day for you and your loved ones . Birthday greetings bring us cheer and happiness. They remind us of who we are and what we want to be. They also remind us that we are blessed to have so many loving people around us. Enjoy each birthday as a celebration of life.

Birthday wishes that come straight from the heart can alter someone's life. Don't just send ordinary birthday wishes to your loved ones. They deserve more. Your birthday wishes can become messages of love, inspiration and kindness.

I enjoy personalizing the birthday cards that i give my dear ones. A birthday card with a personalized message shows that you truly care and do not settle for an off- the - shelf product. It adds meaning to your relationships.

So, if you really care for your dear ones, instead of sending sms or e-cards , please do find time to get one special card. Jot down what you feel for him/her on this special day and make their joy know no bounds.......................

LOST. But are they always found??

I have been searching for my love-in-Tokyo since ages! I'd define "ages" as around.. say.. 3-4 weeks. And by "Love in Tokyo", I am totally not thinking about some love i found in Tokyo (of all places!)... no no.. its a hair band you could say... got its name coz it was took its first appearance in Inida in an old hindi film "Love in Tokyo".. waayyy old.. Coming back to my "issue", its not that i dont have another love-in (I think I'll say "band" henceforth.. Saying "love in, love in" kinda feels a little wierd.)... infact, i have one more that looks just like it! But i still cant keep my thoughts from wandering off to where that long lost band [ ;) ] could be.. Sometimes, (like when we used to play hide and seek as kids) I put myself in the band's "shoes" and think out loud as to where it could be hiding... where it could be lying all lonely and sad.. :( maybe lying between the cushions of some sofa.. or even worse, it could now be being trampled on by strangers... Oooh! my poor babe! :( This is not exactly the first time im loosing something.. and i can bet its not going to be the last either! If im not wrong, in all these 24 years on planet earth, I should be having lots of other "poor babes" hanging around all over... God knows where. (!) But when you have depended on some material thing (be it a diary or a earring or a tie) for a reasonable period of time, it tends to grow into you and take for itself a fairly big corner of your heart... And then when you soooo get used to it being there, comes the sad part: It disappears.

I think the series-of-events is pretty much the same even when its a Homo sapien it is that you loose. I remember I had a similar story with a friend. Initially though, he was nothing close to a friend. We used to treat each other as scum. But then, a scum can get used to the company of another scum. And so, we had had a good time together. I just knew it that we would be friends for the rest of our life! Everything was perfect (that is, if you dont count the once-in-a-while cold wars). And then, as nature would have it- He disappeared. Yeah Yeaah.. he's still alive and all.. but he did disappear from that corner in my heart. Well, some people would say that not all stories have a happy ending. But I'd rather think that there was a very good reason why that crap of a band (and that friend of mine as well) didnt make it to the next phase of my life. Maybe.. just MAYBE.. they were not worth it.

The Best Days of my Life:

I remember those days when the hardest thing I had had to figure out was whether to keep my socks pulled up or to roll them down to make sure that that boy in class I had a crush on, would look at me for real. Gone are those days when we used to sit around under the banyan tree and secretly swear at the hostel warden for being such a pain in the arse. And so also are those days when we would wake up at midnight and scare the sleepy heads out of their brains! Gone deep under layers and layers of "How to prepare molar solutions", "How to create a mutant" and "Protocols for analysis of a gene" are tiny bits and pieces of those once-abhorred-now-cherished school days... I was put in the hostel during 3 years of it, and those were my best days ever! I remember the times when we used to sleep in our well pressed uniforms so that we could afford to wake up at 6 in the morning, instead of 5.30, and make it to mess on time. I remember those days when the potato chips we got for a Sundays' lunch was what we looked forward to the most... How we used to go "asshhooo!!" on getting caught by the warden for bunking classes and water-fighting! Getting punished for not answering questions and not bringing the right text books have often landed me in a great lot of trouble as well. Coming up with patented games of our own on the swings and the monkey climbs when we got fed up of dodge ball and seven stones are now things I deeply miss. Crossing our fingers and holding hands and cheering for our basketball "chettans" as they aimed for the basket and then mumbling no-not-now prayers for the opposing team for a life- saving game had been part of the usual. A month later, one would find the very same people, who once held hands, fighting with each other for their respective houses for the Inter-House school fest. We used to fight over almost everything, starting from shelf space to the "After- you" queues for the bathroom. Though a simple smile or a gentle hug would be the last things on our minds at that point of time; a fresh set of fights for shelf space and for the "after you" queue would turn past friends into foes and foes into friends. And so went our lives on and on... with something new each day. Finally one day circumstances were such that I was no longer to remain a boarder. And yeah.. you could say my life went up side down after that. Coz the comfort I got so used to within the open arms of my friends, 24x7, was omething I had to say good-bye to. I was not ready to say bye. I never wanted to say bye. But then, some things ought to change for the better. Though it might not seem "better" then, we can only hope that it gets better some day. As for me... I am still wondering why the "better" part of it has not yet come to me. For me, those days were the better out of the best.